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Duke Onkled Harkinian
Dugonklet
Have mercy!
Vital statistics
Occupation Duke, businessman
Name Duke Onkled Harkinian
Age 59 years.
Appearances Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, YouTube Poop
Friends Fari
Enemies King Harkinian, Zelda
Hometown Modomai, Gamelon
Relatives Joseph Harkinian (father, deceased), Alma Harkinian (daughter, deceased), John Harkinian (cousin)
Favorite Things Mercy, his key
Embodied Personalities Duke Onkled Nukem

"Duke Onkled is one of those gays..."
Fat Mario

Onkled Harkinian (1956–2060) is the traitorous and cowardly duke of Gamelon, a son of Joseph Harkinian, the father of Lady Alma, a cousin of King John Harkinian, and a friend of Fari. Just to spite King Harkinian, he joined P.I.N.G.A.S.

Biography

Duke Onkled was born somewhere in Karadoi on September 11, 1956 to Joseph Harkinian and an unknown mother. His father became king of Hyrule in 1967, so he took Duke Onkled to Gamelon, where he studied business at Abnormal School. As a young man, he accidentally impregnated Gana. He would fail to win custody of their daughter, Alma, until Gana became so annoyed with her that she gave her up. Later, in 1993, he betrayed the King and joined Ganon, but Ganon was defeated, and Duke Onkled was condemned to 9,000 months of floor-scrubbing, among other punishments. He also started the Duke Onkled Wars at some point.

During the Form Wars, Duke Onkled conspired with Fari to assassinate King Harkinian, hoping that a form takeover of Hyrule would free him from his floor-scrubbing sentence. This failed, as Hyrule still ended up on the winning side of the war. Evil Link later employed Duke Onkled as a spy, noting that his duty to scrub all the floors in Hyrule gave him an excuse to be in nearly any place in the country at any time. Link eventually reduced Duke Onkled's sentence to forty years, the approximate amount of time it takes to scrub all the floors in Hyrule once, and Duke Onkled was finally allowed to quit scrubbing floors in 2033. After Duke Onkled died in 2060, the deceased Evil Link appointed him as his successor as Mah Boi and forced him to aid him in his efforts to take over the pit.

Request for Mercy

DukeOnkled Mercy

Duke Onkled asks for some mercy.

In 2008, Duke Onkled formally applied to King Harkinian for mercy in the form of parole from his floor-scrubbing duties. Fari took him to Hyrule Castle, where the King issued him a list of punishments he would have to complete before he could qualify:

Believe it or not, Duke Onkled managed to complete all of his tasks in a month. Of course, the King still denied him any mercy.

Relations with Other Characters

Duke Onkled of the Gamelonians

Duke Onkled in Civilization 3.

King Harkinian

Duke Onkled is usually terrified of King Harkinian, who has never forgiven him for his betrayal. Other times, however, he is attracted to the King, and he even held him captive as part of a twisted sex game once.

Zelda

Disturbingly, Duke Onkled is also obsessed with King Harkinian's daughter, Zelda, and he once begged her to have sex with him. He later tried a more subtle approach by asking the King to set them up on a date, but the King didn't cooperate.

Trivia

Key

Duke Onkled with his key.

  • He lives in Dodomai Palace.
  • He is a wimp, unable to hurt anyone or defend himself.
  • He has too many rings.
  • He owns the biggest key in the world.
  • He was arrested for invading the king's house, attacking Zelda, and joining Ganon.
  • In turn, he had the King arrested for killing Hectan.
  • He once claimed to be gay, but this seems to be false, as he once tried to seduce Zelda.
  • He owns a popular restaurant chain, Duke Onkled's Diner, which means he's not a total failure after all.
  • He's a terrible cook, though, and even burns himself in his restaurant's commercials.
  • Ganon ate his penis for dinner. Ouch.
  • Hagrad washes his back at 4:05 AM every day.

Quotes

  • "Don't hurt me, Zelda!"
  • "Please, your omnipotence, have mercy!"
  • "No way."
  • "Your omnipotence, I'm gay."
  • "F--k me, Zelda."
  • "Don't eat me!"

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