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Fàri las Lamos (1960–2015) is a Spanish-Hylian mercenary who eats birds, babies, and Yoshi eggs. He is King Harkinian's guard, executioner, head of security, and future murderer. He is also the chief of the Hyrule City Police Department.
Fari was born in Spain in 1960 to unknown parents. He ended up eating his sister, and then grew up and decided to join Viacom. He later left Earth and served Duke Onkled of Gamelon, but turned against Duke Onkled when the duke joined Ganon. After that, Fari became King Harkinian's bodyguard. He also became infatuated with the King's daughter, Zelda, and tried to eliminate his romantic competition by tricking Gwonam into landing his carpet in a minefield with Link on board. Link survived, but Fari subsequently became Zelda's boyfriend anyway.
When Zelda revealed her new boyfriend to the King, however, he disapproved and forbid the relationship. Fari and Zelda continued to meet in secret while the King was away, but Link soon caught them having sex and told Gwonam, who told the King, who responded by firing Fari and banishing him from Hyrule Castle. Fari obliged, but subsequently took revenge on the King by seizing his dinner. Then, when the Form Wars began, Fari sympathized with the forms. In 2015, he betrayed and killed the King. He then opened a passage to the United 'Gees Universe for the forms before being killed by the King's ghost.
- He and Malleo used the Fusion Machine to create Falle.
- Just for the heck of it, he often accuses random people of being traitors. One time, he even accused a mirror of being a traitor.
- He once raped Duke Onkled for no reason.
- He was convinced by Bill Cipher to kill King Harkinian
- He traveled back in time to build the Hyrule Mental Institution.