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Morshu von Schmitz
Morshu
Morshu.
Vital statistics
Occupation Shopkeep, CEO of Morshu Mart, terrorist.
Name Morshu von Schmitz
Age 67 years.
Appearances Link: Faces of Evil.
Friends Link, Mario, Duke Onkled, Dr. Robotnik.
Enemies Ushrom, I.M. Meen, Gwonam.
Hometown Schapperville, Koridai.
Relatives Günter Schmitz, father. Gertrud Whatshername, mother. Mitchell Schmitz, uncle. Myrshoo Schmitz, brother. Acissej Wannshu, wife. Morshu Schmitz, Jr., son. Richter Schmitz, nephew.
Favorite Things Humming, rupees, rope, bombs, lamp oil.
Embodied Personalities Crazy Cat Morshu.

Morshu von Schmitz (1947–2019) is a German-Hylian shopkeep who sells things at his shop.

Biography

Baby Morshu

Morshu as a baby. Yeck!

Morshu von Schmitz was born in 1947 to Günter Schmitz and Gertrud Whatshername in French-occupied Germany. At age 5, he was already trilingual, and he could speak German, French, and English. He was a very bright child, and was so smart that he actually skipped middle school and went straight to high school. Around then, he began to work for his father at the then-obscure Morshu Mart (back then called Schmitz Store) and made great sales.

As smart as Morshu was, he began to take drugs at the age of 18, after he graduated college. His father decided to give him some discipline, but ended up giving him too much: Morshu was drafted into the Vietnam War. While in Vietnam, he found a large hole in the ground. Then, a la Alice in Wonderland, he was taken to Koridai! Being capitalist, he decided to go to Shopkeep College, where he met a man named Ushrom. Morshu completed Shopkeep College with ease, and after three years in Koridai, he set up a new Morshu Mart there. The store turned out to be very popular in Koridai and quickly spread to the rest of Hyrule, and Morshu would soon achieve success in music as well. He met Dr. Robotnik in 1969, and a few years later, the pair formed Pingas MMMMusic, which produced many hit songs and became the greatest band in Hyrule.

Morshu got obscenely rich from the combined success of Morshu Mart and Pingas MMMMusic, and he even built an entire private village called Schapperville, which was designed to resemble his hometown in Germany. In 1978, Morshu was declared the most successful shopkeep in Koridai. Starting that year, he also starred in the controversial but successful sitcom The Retarded Yoshi Show. It was around then that Ushrom and Morshu became business rivals due to similarities between their ideas. As a result, Morshu tried suing Ushrom; he won, Ushrom was imprisoned, and Morshu gained ownership of Ushrom's business. Morshu then destroyed Ushrom's shop and used the shop to make another Morshu Mart. He married Acissej Wannshu in 1980. Later that decade, he ended his partnership with Robotnik and befriended former American president Richard Nixon.

Morshu cinema

Morshu inside his theater.

However in 1989, a crash in the stock market known as the Hylian Market Crash ruined his business. His stockholders lost money and began to fight against Morshu Mart. One of these stockholders was a man named Gwonam al-Fari, who was King Harkinian's scribe. King Harkinian decided to declare a war on Ganon to steal his money. Ganon retaliated by kidnapping Zelda and taking over Koridai and Gamelon. Morshu, lost in all the fuss, allowed his company to be purchased by Hyru-Mart, but when the crash ended in 2000, Morshu backstabbed HyruMart and took it over.

Like most of the Zelda CD-i characters, Morshu began appearing in YouTube Poop in the mid-2000s. When his uncle Movieshu retired in 2009, Morshu took over Hyrule Cinema. Morshu managed to stay neutral during the Form Wars, but during the Poopocalypse of 2019, Morshu aided in the defense of Koridai and Gamelai. He actually managed to kill a lot of trolls, but he did not survive the battle. His nephew, Richter Schmitz, took over his businesses.

Personality

Onkshu

He even stole Duke Onkled's clothes once.

Some people claim Morshu is a communist, but he seems more capitalist than anyone. Although he has been wealthy for most of his life, he is perpetually obsessed with getting more money, so much that he is willing to sell his friends and relatives into slavery and kidnap important people like King Harkinian so he can hold them for ransom. He is also infamous for refusing to give credit to anyone, whether financially or for ideas. He has no sympathy for the poor and seems to hypocritically dislike fat people, having refused service to King Harkinian due to the King's weight problems.

Family

Main article: Schmitz Family

Legal Issues

Morshu racing

Morshu, about to crash into a bus.

  • On January 18, 2008, Morshu was arrested after he crashed into a school bus in Hyrule City during an impromptu street race with King Harkinian. In February, he was sentenced to six months in jail followed by six months on probation.
  • On September 30, 2009, Morshu was taken to Hyrule Police Station for questioning after allegations were made that he sold his son to Link two days earlier. However, no evidence against Morshu was ever produced and no charges were filed. Coincidentally, every official present at the interrogation retired to a luxurious estate at an exotic locale within a month.

Quotes

  • "Lamp oil, rope, bombs–you want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough rupees."
  • "Sorry, Link. I can't give credit! Come back when you're a little, MMMM ... richer!"
  • "Link, you're a little piece of poop."

MMMMM

Mmmmm, also known as "nnnnn" is Morshu's catchphrase. When performed at full volume, it can destroy electronics and make people go deaf. In the 70's, Morshu joined Dr. Robotnik to make music in a company called Pingas MMMMusic, and they have created songs ever since. 

Instagram

Morshu has an Instagram account, @mmmmorshu.

Gallery

See Morshu/Gallery

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